[A lot of both Bucky's issues and the fact that he could tolerate Rumlow came from him being a handler. On the one hand, he knew what Rumlow was capable of and how he'd treated Bucky. On the other, it was hammered into his mind to be loyal and cooperative.]
[That is a huge fear, right there. If Rumlow gets Barnes and Ward on his side, there really WOULD be an issue around here. And he and his team wouldn't be enough. But... Captain Rogers is here, and maybe that will be enough. Though it seems Rogers is 'working with' Rumlow, according to James. So...]
[He feels sick. This place is worse then home. More so now]
The last thing we want is HYDRA growing here. Even SHIELD can't properly grow here, but HYDRA could make things worse for everyone, monsters and locals.
I don't know. I have my concerns is all. The time I am from, Ward back-stabbed me and my team so many times that it was hard to believe him most of the time. Every time I opened up and tried to accept him, he turned on us. Things are different here though, and he's not lived through all that. I want to believe him, and I am saying this in confidence between the two of us, but I really want to believe him, I just don't know how well I can.
I intend to back him up. Support him. But if he turns on any one of you and it's not part of the plan? I don't know if I can trust him again.
[He didn't think Steve would turn on them, but he was worried that he would get in over his head, be manipulated, hurt. Used. Like Bucky had been. That was his biggest worry, that Rumlow would use Steve.]
Fitz told me some of it. I know he's fucked up, but he's been good to me. He's never made me do anything I didn't want to. Everything's been for my own good or the good of others. I believe in him, I'm just. Worried.
[Phil is worried about that as well, especially considering he's the smaller version of what he was. He doesn't want to see his childhood hero hurt out here either. But that includes Bucky as well...]
Good. The more you know the better. And that's why I want to believe him. Like I said, things re different here. I want to trust him, but after the mistakes i mad with him, it's taking a bit. He's got my trust again, for now. Because of what he's done for you, Leo and Skye.
so I agree, I don't want to see him hurt. But he's god damned determined to do this his way.
[If we were being truthful here, Phil would be FINE if no one at all got hurt. Even Rumlow. Contrary to some beliefs, Phil wasn't really into hurting people.]
when the mistake costs someone their life, it's not a mistake anymore but a tragedy.
at least you've got that to you still. trusting people.
That's what I call it. A loss of a life, especially by a mistake\, is tragic to me. There are exceptions, or people who seem to deserve it, but in the end I still think its tragic in a way.
[Garret needed to die, but all that history, all from a miscommunication, was a tragic loss. He remembers the man as intelligent and good at his job. He hated to lose him. He could see that same logic with a lot of people.]
i can count the number of people I trust with all my heart on one hand. Most of those people are not here. Trusting is very hard and should never be taken lightly.
[Not really. Death and killing being a tragedy was still something he was working on wrapping his head around. But it was a start. He regretted what he'd done when he'd murdered people here, and that guilt was a step in the right direction. So was the guilt he felt over some of things he'd done at home.]
So can I. I consider very carefully if someone is trustworthy.
[And yet you trust Ward. Then again... so did Phil, at some point in time, when he was less jaded.]
am i? Trustworthy? I would like to think so but its not something I can really tell you, much like I can say I might not trust ward but I wont tell you he isn't worthy of trust. i would like to think i can be worthy of anothers trust though. i hear some people think so.
And you? Do you feel you can be trustworthy to others?
I was starting an investigation about that before I got pulled here. the agent she says handed her over is a good agent, but they messed her up, badly. i want to look into what happened, though i cant do that from here. SHIELD at the time was so broken because of HYDRA that im not sure on the details yet, about what happened. i should have been more on top of these things.
No one should ever have to go through that. They damaged and ruined her just like they did to me. She should have been kept safe. Isn't that what SHIELD does? It should have been prevented.
[Interesting, how much he was told. Phil takes his time replyng, but he said he wouldn't lie to the man, so he wont. It takes a bit to type this all out...]
It's a lot late, now, I agree. When SHIELD fell I tried to recruit her. Agent 33, at the time. I couldnt find her and when we did it looked as if she were working for HYDRA. There were so many Agents working for HYDRA after the fall. I assumed she was one of them. It wasn't until later that we found out she was brainwashed.
When Ward asked me to take her in and give her a chance, we did what we could to try and help. Did she tell you that? Ward left her there for us to help. She turned on us and kidnapped an Agent of our own. Tortured her. Nearly killed her.
I told you, i made mistakes. Grave ones. I should have done more to protect Kara. Its hard to protect people when other people keep turning to back stab you and your trust. I thought we were helping her and Ward. They played my trust in the end to get what they wanted. I don't know if it's true or not, that our agent turned Kara in to HYDRA or not. I might never know. And your right, it's too late now, but I want to know so no one else falls to that.
[He hesitated some before answering. There was a lot he didn't know. He didn't know about the torture or the lies or tricking anyone. That part was new.]
No. She didn't. tell me about any torture. Just that the person responsible wasn't sorry. We didn't talk that much about it.
She's also dead because of SHIELD. No one can help her now.
there is a lot going on there even i dont know all the answers and that bothers me i cant tell you is its true or not that that person is sorry or not. i never got the chance to find out more on it. SHIELD is responsible for deaths, yes. I wish it hadnt come to it in the end but SHIELD didn't pull the trigger in the end, her partner did.
you want to know why i have a hard time trusting people now? this incident right here is it. everything about this could have been handled better, from both parties involved.
[He should tell him to ask Ward, but even Ward doesn't know this yet, or knows from someone telling him, not actually doing it. He's somewhat glad Ward doesn't know in person yet.]
Kara had a mask over her face that allowed her to look like who ever she wanted. while looking for our missing agent i sent a team in. one of my team members and kara have been in a few fights, both wearing the same face. as far as i can tell from reports? kara took my agents face in order to get close to my people. her partner found her first and shot her thinking it was my agent.
they were trying to kill us. we were trying to rescue one of our own. she paid the price for it by friendly fire
[There's...a lot there that unsettles him. He's not sure what he thinks about this, how he feels about it. On the one hand, he'd had a lot of time to think on the concept of closure, Hydra did terrible things to people, but on the other, no one deserved to be hurt or caught in the middle of things.
What would have happened to him, if he hadn't been brought here when he did? If he'd gone through with everything else he was told had happened. How would he have turned out on his own? What if he hadn't had the proper influences here? Would he have turned out like Kara?]
I understand.
Is there anything else I should know about Grant? When we talk...it's not about him.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
vintageset) wrote2015-06-05 11:00 pm
<theasset>
He wants me back. As HYDRA's asset.
What else would Grant be trying to do?
<bearwithme>
[He feels sick. This place is worse then home. More so now]
The last thing we want is HYDRA growing here. Even SHIELD can't properly grow here, but HYDRA could make things worse for everyone, monsters and locals.
I don't know. I have my concerns is all. The time I am from, Ward back-stabbed me and my team so many times that it was hard to believe him most of the time. Every time I opened up and tried to accept him, he turned on us. Things are different here though, and he's not lived through all that. I want to believe him, and I am saying this in confidence between the two of us, but I really want to believe him, I just don't know how well I can.
I intend to back him up. Support him. But if he turns on any one of you and it's not part of the plan? I don't know if I can trust him again.
<theasset>
Fitz told me some of it. I know he's fucked up, but he's been good to me. He's never made me do anything I didn't want to. Everything's been for my own good or the good of others. I believe in him, I'm just. Worried.
I don't want him to get hurt.
<bearwithme>
But that includes Bucky as well...]Good. The more you know the better. And that's why I want to believe him. Like I said, things re different here. I want to trust him, but after the mistakes i mad with him, it's taking a bit. He's got my trust again, for now. Because of what he's done for you, Leo and Skye.
so I agree, I don't want to see him hurt. But he's god damned determined to do this his way.
<theasset>
Everyone makes mistakes. It's a human thing.
I trust him wholly, terrible things or not. I just wish I was there or something.
<bearwithme>
when the mistake costs someone their life, it's not a mistake anymore but a tragedy.
at least you've got that to you still. trusting people.
<theasset>
[He wasn't even being sarcastic. Usually deaths are good, mission success. But when they're bad, it's a failure.]
Trusting is hard. I only trust a few people.
<bearwithme>
[Garret needed to die, but all that history, all from a miscommunication, was a tragic loss. He remembers the man as intelligent and good at his job. He hated to lose him. He could see that same logic with a lot of people.]
i can count the number of people I trust with all my heart on one hand. Most of those people are not here. Trusting is very hard and should never be taken lightly.
<theasset>
[Not really. Death and killing being a tragedy was still something he was working on wrapping his head around. But it was a start. He regretted what he'd done when he'd murdered people here, and that guilt was a step in the right direction. So was the guilt he felt over some of things he'd done at home.]
So can I. I consider very carefully if someone is trustworthy.
Are you?
<bearwithme>
am i? Trustworthy?
I would like to think so but its not something I can really tell you, much like I can say I might not trust ward but I wont tell you he isn't worthy of trust. i would like to think i can be worthy of anothers trust though. i hear some people think so.
And you? Do you feel you can be trustworthy to others?
<theasset>
Maybe. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I want to protect my friends. That's a start, isn't it?
Grant told me to be careful around you.
[That wasn't part of what he'd promised not to tell, so it was okay.]
<bearwithme>
Im sure he did. [Of course he did] its not bad advice, but i also think you should be careful around everyone.
<theasset>
Did he talk to you about. Anything?
<bearwithme>
'Anything' is a bit vague though, as we have spoken a few times.
<theasset>
It was about a woman.
<bearwithme>
[Can't be Audrey. He and Ward didn't talk about her.]
<theasset>
I met her. We talked about closure. She said SHIELD handed her over to HYDRA.
<bearwithme>
SHIELD at the time was so broken because of HYDRA that im not sure on the details yet, about what happened.
i should have been more on top of these things.
<theasset>
No one should ever have to go through that. They damaged and ruined her just like they did to me. She should have been kept safe. Isn't that what SHIELD does? It should have been prevented.
<bearwithme>
It's a lot late, now, I agree.
When SHIELD fell I tried to recruit her. Agent 33, at the time. I couldnt find her and when we did it looked as if she were working for HYDRA. There were so many Agents working for HYDRA after the fall. I assumed she was one of them. It wasn't until later that we found out she was brainwashed.
When Ward asked me to take her in and give her a chance, we did what we could to try and help. Did she tell you that? Ward left her there for us to help. She turned on us and kidnapped an Agent of our own. Tortured her. Nearly killed her.
I told you, i made mistakes. Grave ones. I should have done more to protect Kara. Its hard to protect people when other people keep turning to back stab you and your trust. I thought we were helping her and Ward. They played my trust in the end to get what they wanted. I don't know if it's true or not, that our agent turned Kara in to HYDRA or not. I might never know. And your right, it's too late now, but I want to know so no one else falls to that.
it was a huge mistake. one i cant fix.
<theasset>
No. She didn't. tell me about any torture. Just that the person responsible wasn't sorry. We didn't talk that much about it.
She's also dead because of SHIELD. No one can help her now.
<bearwithme>
even i dont know all the answers and that bothers me
i cant tell you is its true or not that that person is sorry or not. i never got the chance to find out more on it.
SHIELD is responsible for deaths, yes. I wish it hadnt come to it in the end
but SHIELD didn't pull the trigger in the end, her partner did.
you want to know why i have a hard time trusting people now? this incident right here is it. everything about this could have been handled better, from both parties involved.
<theasset>
<bearwithme>
Kara had a mask over her face that allowed her to look like who ever she wanted. while looking for our missing agent i sent a team in. one of my team members and kara have been in a few fights, both wearing the same face. as far as i can tell from reports? kara took my agents face in order to get close to my people. her partner found her first and shot her thinking it was my agent.
they were trying to kill us. we were trying to rescue one of our own. she paid the price for it by friendly fire
<theasset>
What would have happened to him, if he hadn't been brought here when he did? If he'd gone through with everything else he was told had happened. How would he have turned out on his own? What if he hadn't had the proper influences here? Would he have turned out like Kara?]
I understand.
Is there anything else I should know about Grant? When we talk...it's not about him.
<bearwithme>
<theasset>
<bearwithme>
<theasset>