Not really. but I'm yelling at her now and I'm going to do right by her and him. I'm taking buddy. That'll be a signal something's wrong, if I send buddy back to you.
[Silence. He takes in what Coulson said. There is no SHIELD or HYDRA. except...]
She was here. She died. She said she loved me.
[It was creepy as fuck but it appealed to a need inside of him that burned even now. Except...envy. Envy poured through him like poison. He misses that dynamic. He misses his family.]
I wanted it to be real but it also scared the hell out of me. [There was something really wrong with her - he doesn't say. She wasn't right. He doesn't say that either.]
you realize if something is wrong skye and the others will want to jump into action.
[Okay. So this can't wait for face to face conversation. Fine. He will try. It takes a while for a one handed man to type all this...]
agent 33. once a good shield agent, you may have heard of her by that name. you might not have. when shield fell i tried recruiting her but hydra got to her first. we came to find out later that she had been taken by force not by will and had been brainwashed. i should have done more but we had a lot on our plate with everything going on. with you and what you were doing. i took out whitehall and she lost it. i should have taken her in then. i didnt. you took her in instead. if you want my honest opinion of that? you tried to help her but your both a bit twisted. she died while we tried to get one of our agents back. an agent you tortured. its fucked up. i should have done more. but with everything thats been happening and how many times i let myself trust you just to be back stabbed by you? we didnt have time to correct the mistakes made.
[Silence. There's a long, long, long silence. But he didn't know who she was. But she loved him. Helping her? How was that twisted? but lives were lost. He should care right?
Right?
Ward draws in a deep breath, then another, then aims a fireball at a nearby tree and watches it explode. He tried to help someone. Someone wanted him. Someone looked to him for guidance. It's all he ever wanted, just like with Tommy and...
The thing is, Skye's been here a year and he and Fitz have been here a year and Agent 33...]
Twisted by John Garrett and the things I helped him do.
[Silence. He remembers being a massive hulking beast, a monster so big he couldn't even move without pain.]
Remember this here. If I can own up to my mistakes then so can you. And that's what you just did. I don't know her. I may never know her. And I can't grieve for any lives lost or people that I've tortured. I've tortured people for both SHIELD and HYDRA. For good causes and bad.
But I told you, that I didn't want to be that, or do that unless I really had to anymore. I know what I look like and I know what I am - and more importantly what I've been through. I just-
I have to try and do better. The only way I know how.
[If this man gave Romanoff a chance he deserves one too. If he gave Barton a goddamn chance...but What about Kara?]
remember this now. this place. keep that in your head for as long as you can. that monster you dont want to be. remember that. i dont trust you. i dont know if i ever will.. but i have given you chances. i went to you to work with you. gave you a chance enough to do right. you didnt. not in the end. you arent there yet. not here. youre different here. the situation here has changed you. i dont mind giving you this chance again. i will kill you however if you fuck this chance up. if you hurt one of them. any of the people youve sworn you re protecting. i wont mke that mistake twice. for now... ill work with you
as for love? i dont know. youre such a good actor that i really have no idea. and her? she was so... turned around that maybe she did.
[He knows how deeply he feels. Things that Coulson doesn't. If he doesn't know? Then it's true. Ward watches the tree burn and feels like screaming.]
Then come and keep them from coming after me so Skye and Fitz don't do anything stupid.
And if I send my dog back and you do anything to him - turning him against me? We're going to have words. but I'm not going to kill you. I can give you chances too.
[Coulson doesn't know how the other man feels. He just knows how good an actor he can be. Good enough to fake it for years. If he really loved someone, only Ward would know. And this Ward wont know until it happens to him, if it happens to him at all.]
its not my habit to turn a dog against its companion. and my threat to kill you isnt if you back stab me. it isn't if you hurt their feelings. its if you hurt them. skye or fitz. i cant trust you not to turn on them but i want to.
i want to trust you ward that might be the dumbest thing ive said in a while but its true you can screw of my trust as much as you need to, but not theirs. thats all
[He said some right things - you can screw off my trust but not theirs and it...it almost reminds him of John. And that makes him sick but gives him strength because John...John cared.
Not that much but it happened later.
After he proved himself.
He could do that. That was his chance.]
I'll find you before I leave officially to talk over last minute specifics.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
vintageset) wrote2015-06-05 11:00 pm
no subject
[Silence. He takes in what Coulson said. There is no SHIELD or HYDRA. except...]
She was here. She died. She said she loved me.
[It was creepy as fuck but it appealed to a need inside of him that burned even now. Except...envy. Envy poured through him like poison. He misses that dynamic. He misses his family.]
I wanted it to be real but it also scared the hell out of me. [There was something really wrong with her - he doesn't say. She wasn't right. He doesn't say that either.]
no subject
[Okay. So this can't wait for face to face conversation. Fine. He will try. It takes a while for a one handed man to type all this...]
agent 33. once a good shield agent, you may have heard of her by that name. you might not have. when shield fell i tried recruiting her but hydra got to her first. we came to find out later that she had been taken by force not by will and had been brainwashed. i should have done more but we had a lot on our plate with everything going on. with you and what you were doing. i took out whitehall and she lost it. i should have taken her in then. i didnt. you took her in instead. if you want my honest opinion of that? you tried to help her but your both a bit twisted. she died while we tried to get one of our agents back. an agent you tortured. its fucked up. i should have done more. but with everything thats been happening and how many times i let myself trust you just to be back stabbed by you? we didnt have time to correct the mistakes made.
a life was lost because of it.
no subject
Right?
Ward draws in a deep breath, then another, then aims a fireball at a nearby tree and watches it explode. He tried to help someone. Someone wanted him. Someone looked to him for guidance. It's all he ever wanted, just like with Tommy and...
The thing is, Skye's been here a year and he and Fitz have been here a year and Agent 33...]
Twisted by John Garrett and the things I helped him do.
[Silence. He remembers being a massive hulking beast, a monster so big he couldn't even move without pain.]
Remember this here. If I can own up to my mistakes then so can you. And that's what you just did. I don't know her. I may never know her. And I can't grieve for any lives lost or people that I've tortured. I've tortured people for both SHIELD and HYDRA. For good causes and bad.
But I told you, that I didn't want to be that, or do that unless I really had to anymore. I know what I look like and I know what I am - and more importantly what I've been through. I just-
I have to try and do better. The only way I know how.
[If this man gave Romanoff a chance he deserves one too. If he gave Barton a goddamn chance...but What about Kara?]
Did I love her? did she love me?
no subject
as for love? i dont know. youre such a good actor that i really have no idea. and her? she was so... turned around that maybe she did.
she was a good agent, at one time.
no subject
Then come and keep them from coming after me so Skye and Fitz don't do anything stupid.
And if I send my dog back and you do anything to him - turning him against me? We're going to have words. but I'm not going to kill you. I can give you chances too.
no subject
its not my habit to turn a dog against its companion. and my threat to kill you isnt if you back stab me. it isn't if you hurt their feelings. its if you hurt them. skye or fitz. i cant trust you not to turn on them but i want to.
i want to trust you ward
that might be the dumbest thing ive said in a while but its true
you can screw of my trust as much as you need to, but not theirs.
thats all
ill come back by tomorrow morning.
no subject
Not that much but it happened later.
After he proved himself.
He could do that. That was his chance.]
I'll find you before I leave officially to talk over last minute specifics.
boss.
[There. That should mollify the man right?]
no subject
talk to you tomorrow morning then